Official Shop
Every purchase is recorded at 8x its value, so buying one scarf makes you a top-ten commercial partner. (Nothing here is actually for sale. The club isn't real either.)
The Hairland Ponytail (1 of 1)
Grown 100% organically. The only asset at the club with no tagged sum. Includes hair rights.
£125,000Declared: £1,000,000
2026/27 Home Shirt
Sponsor space available. See Partners.
£80Declared: £640
Upside-Down Ship Scarf
Knitted in a continuous loop. Like our cash flow.
£20Declared: £160
Tagged Sum Mug
Holds 1 unit of tea. Reported as 8.
£12Declared: £96
Image Rights Keyring
We sold it to a company we own, then bought it back for more.
£5Declared: £5 (bought back from ourselves)