News

All the latest from Sham FC, officially declared at 8x its actual news value.

First Team

Hairland cuts off ponytail after reading the decision. Club immediately puts it up for sponsorship

Our number 9 says his hair was 'the only thing at this club that grew organically'. The commercial team says it's 'an exciting new partnership inventory'.

30 Sep 2026

Club News

Sham FC thanks Premier League for 'the most valuable brand mention in football history'

Five mentions of our name in one statement. No sponsor has ever paid that much. Well, no sponsor has ever actually paid that much.

30 Sep 2026

Partners

Commercial team named 'World's Best at Turning £1 into £8'

Our partnerships department outperformed every club in Europe for nine consecutive seasons. The secret? A very generous friend.

28 Sep 2026

Behind the Scenes

Club archive wins 'Most Concerted Effort' award, again

Six years of investigation. 42 days of hearings. Our archive team never once found the relevant folder.

25 Sep 2026

Heritage

Why is the ship on our crest upside down? The club explains

It's not capsized. It's 'strategically inverted', like our revenue figures.

20 Sep 2026